If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
