He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize