there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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