mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
