I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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