We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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