I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
even my farts smell like vagina
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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