Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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