everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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