I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
