shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
