Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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