Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
And then he peed in my hair
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