Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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