This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I could fuck to npr.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
