Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
