I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he thought i was a dude.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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