I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
