just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
