it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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