i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
