I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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