Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
