I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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