i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
