i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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