he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
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Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
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The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
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