its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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