Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
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Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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