I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
How does one acquire holy water?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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