We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
