I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
