I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
