I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
