Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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