Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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