I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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