Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
