I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
