i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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