I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
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I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
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HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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