Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
