I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize