I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
3pm strippers are depressing
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I could fuck to npr.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
