He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
