I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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