Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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