the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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