guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
