All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Pants are for mortals
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
