My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
