so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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