I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Randomize
