"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
