I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
