he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
