When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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