went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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